Everyone says it will get easier. I'm not so sure. Although it hurts SO much not being with Eve every moment of the day, I know it hurts because I LOVE her that much. Not that if it gets easier means I love her any less, just maybe me feeling numb to it? Every step of this parenting journey I find myself saying "this is the hardest thing I have ever done". And with each new adventure, it is true. And at this moment, THIS IS the hardest thing I have ever done. Trusting Eve in the hands of strangers so I can help provide a good life for her. Trusting they will love and care for her at least HALF as good as I could and PRAY it will be enough. Trusting Eve will like going to school, thrive there, and be happy to see me when I come and get her.
Biggest Fear: Eve forgetting I'm her Mommy. I hear it so many times a day from my very own students (a slip of the tongue). The curse of spending so many hours with one particular care taker. Will Eve? Will she know I'm the one that will love her unconditionally? Will she know, that even though I am unable to be there at all hours I am her mommy not this new person in her life that she will grow to love and trust as well?
I know I can do this. Hundreds have done this before me. Hundreds have it much worse. Hundreds have succeeded. I can do this (so I keep telling myself in between my sobs).
Everyone says it will get easier.
Not at this heartbreaking hour.
I Peter 1:6
My precious Bubble Gum Girl,
I pray today as you start your first day of school that it is only the beginning of your successes as a strong and independent little lady! I know you will grow and learn and love to explore the world you are just beginning to see. There is so much in store for you. I pray you stay healthy. I pray you meet good, upstanding friends. I pray you learn to be the little social leader I see in you already. Yes, you are a mere 3 months, so young but SO advanced even for you in ways I am so amazed at. God had His hand on you little one and has great plans for you. Today.... it is just the beginning.
Mommy loves you to the stars and back!
Numbers 6:24-26
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