I'm not who I was

As the year comes to a close I think about years past. I am most definitely not who I used to be. I've gained 30 pounds. Lost 20. Gained another 30. Then lost another 25. 

Among this I've gained boobs that have sunken to lower levels. 

My stomach and hips have stripes that of a tiger while my legs represent a spiders home. 

All this from growing two of the most incredible miracles. 

My heart has grown two sizes larger as my two daughters grew theirs, close to mine. 

My skin has stretched to make room so my daughters could grow their own tough exterior. 

As my hips grew wider, my daughters grew stronger. 

The extra cushion around my middle provides the perfect handles for my daughters to cling to when they will need comfort, love, support. 

I am not who I was. 

No. I am more perfected because of the two perfect beings God created in me. 

I am perfection in their eyes while the bags under my eyes could belong to Mary Poppins herself. But as I comfort my girls at all hours of the day and night they see all they need to in the peacefulness on my daughters' faces. 

My shoulders slump from the constant way they are curved from holding and rocking my loves to sleep, to ease pain and bring comfort. To show they are loved. 

I am not who I was. 

I am tired. 

I am forgetful. 

I am late. 

I am not put together. 

I am comfort to a teething baby. 

I am kindness to hurt feelings. 

I am love to two small hearts. 

I am a mother. 

And from all my imperfections God has created two beautiful humans. 

Not every woman can boast of this change. Some by choice, others through angst. I feel blessed to have these changes in my life. I am honored to be a changed person for whom two tiny humans can call mom. 

I can't wait for the changes to come in 2014. Happy New Year!  

5 Months: 12-22-13

My little chunka monk is 5 months old today. Time is flying by. 

She's on a roll - literally. She's liking being on her tummy a whole lot more now that she's realized she can have more fun. 

She's constantly watching. Observing. Taking it all in. 

Her drool has increased along with some crankiness so I'm not sure if teeth are on the horizon or not but signs are saying so. Including the constant need to chew - on anything. 

She's sleeping great! Two 2 hour naps and a third cat nap before she's in for the night at 8:30pm sleeping until 8:30 the next morning. We've had a few rough nights this last month. I believe it's her teeth though. And two of the nights she suffered from stomach pains I probably gave her because I had some dairy, accidentally. 

I did try to eat some dairy on purpose though to see if her stomach had matured any. But unfortunately she still got horrible gas and tummy grumbles. Not to mention to horrific poops! Eek. 
Her reflux is still present. We've tried to take her off the medicine but that was a big mess. Literally. Needless to say, I hope if you visit us you don't mind the stained couches, pillows, floors. ;) 

She's got the jibber jabber down pat. She likes to put her two cents into conversations. Even during her feedings. I'll be talking and she'll give a little squeal from my lap. 

Smiley. Always smiling. Complete strangers in the store will light up as they walk by because she smiled at them. I love the joy she spreads around to others. 

She's truly a content, easy going baby. She's only fussy if she's trying to communicate something is wrong. 

Weight: 14 lbs
Length: 27 inches

4 Months: 11-22-13

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile and sometimes your smile is the source of my joy. "

I have an official nosey rosey. She wants to see everything. This makes eating tricky as she is more interested in what's going on than eating. She'd rather just stare at me and baby talk than eat. Silly girl. She does this when rocking her too and even though I'm tired and want her to sleep, I love it! ;) this time is too short. She also loves to watch her big sister. She will crane her neck in the direction she can hear Eve's voice. 

Esther was sleeping 12 hours until she got more interested in rolling around her bed. Belly to back, back to belly, around and around. She has a good ole time. 

She is definitely in the put everything in her mouth stage. She especially loves her fingers and has been grabbing her feet, bringing her toes to her mouth. So limber. ;) she's grabbing and grasping objects. 

Communication is full on. She can carryon a conversation (as far as a baby can). She's great with vocalizing vowel sounds. "Mama" is right around the corner. 

 

Her tear ducts still are blocked. Poor thing. Other than this she is a genuinely happy, pleasant, calm, peaceful baby. Thank you, Jesus! 

She's holding herself up while on her belly. She's tucking her knees up under herself as well. Getting ready for some scooting. 

Dr. Appt:

25 1/4 inches (82%)

13 lbs. 10 oz (37%)

Head: 40 (31%)

Esther, 

I absolutely love when you smile. It comes from a deep joy inside you. You brighten the day of even strangers in the store. I pray this continues to be a source of peace, love and joy for others to see and feel God's love through you. 

2.5 years: Eve

Letters she knows by sight and in sign language: 
a, b, c, d, e, l, m, o, r, s, u, v, w, x, z 
She can count to 20 in English and 10 in Spanish.
She recognizes numbers 1-5. 
Her favorite songs: ABCs, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Jesus Loves the Little Children. 
She loves to play with her dolls: feeding, rocking, patting, and changing diapers. 
She can "read" over a dozen books to us from memory. 
She knows more than the 10 "normal" colors including hot pink, turquoise and lime green. 

Her favorite color is purple. 

She loves Minnie Mouse. 

She can throw a tantrum that can make any parent proud. ;)

She can jump, somersault and balance on a line (heal, toe). 

She has been great with meeting and playing with her friends. 

Eve is mostly potty trained (still working on nighttime). 

She enjoys playing "school" with mommy. 

Eve is so much fun! She makes me laugh even when she's cranky. The things that she comes up with astound me. Her imagination is impressive! She tries very hard to make "Gods heart happy" by being kind to her friends, obeying mommy and daddy, and saying nice words. The love she has for her sister makes my heart soar! One of her most favorite things to do with Esther is sing her songs to help her stop crying. She also like so hold her and read her stories.  

3 Months: 10-22-13

Three months old today! Esther is such a pleasant baby despite her reflux and blocked tear ducks - still. 
She's starting to roll from belly to back. She's accomplished this at least 5 times. Nothing consistent yet but well on her way. 
Esther is sleeping well at night (10 hours). Nap times are harder for her unless I'm holding her. (Truth time: I kinda don't mind ;) ) 
She loves talking (babbling) to her toys and big sister. 
The few times Esther does cry for no apparent reason, she is easily calmed by her big sister singing to her. Melts my heart. 
Esther is awake for longer periods of time making lots more time for playing. 
She's not a huge fan of tummy time (prefers to be on her back) but when she is she's got great head control and is scooching herself across her mat. I think she's already wanting to catch up with her sister. 
She loves playing with her hands and her toes fascinate her. 
Her gas troubles are far less that I've been off dairy which is a good thing for her. 
She's eating every 3.5 hours sometimes 4 if she's sleeping. 
She is 24 inches long. 

She weighs 12lbs, 10oz. 

2 months: 09-22-13

Today Esther is two months old. I feel like this seemed so far away and now here we are. It flew by! She's doing great! She still has reflux and blocked tear ducts but the doctor says she'll hopefully grow out of both. Fingers crossed. 

The doctor was impressed with her progression saying she's hitting milestones of a 4 month old! She's growing well and keeping on track. 

11lbs 7oz (50%)

23 inches (72%)

Head: 38 cm (39%)

Esther, 

The joy in my heart is overflowing. I melt every time you make eye contact with me and a huge smile comes across your face! The love I can see you already have for your big sister is also overwhelming. The connection you two have is a blessing to daddy and me. May you continue to grow strong physically, mentally, socially and spiritually.  

I love you. 

4 Weeks

It's been amazing watching Esther grow. She's definitely developing her own preferences. The biggest one at this time is warmth. She loves to be warm. And by that I mean LOVES - to the point of sweating. Not so awesome in this Florida August heat. 

Esther is lifting and moving her own head regularly. She's following noises and turning towards them on her own. 

She's sleeping at 4 hour increments overnights now. Yay!

Acid reflux still bothers her. But she's pooping and eating great! :) 

3 Weeks

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Psalm 127:3

We've made it to three weeks! Yay us! This week's challenge: gas. From both ends. It's so painful for her and so challenging to burp. Hiccups still plague her after every feeding. The medicine she's on for her reflux seems to work, sometimes. There are still times in the day when she just seems to be gagging on herself. :( Let me tell you,  it's no fun to watch or hear. 

Esther is doing great with holding her head up! She so strong! She's rolled herself cover twice this week, to my surprise. 

She had her own photo shoot this week... Here are a few of her shots, I think the last one sums up how the entire time actually was like. ;)

2 Weeks

Esther is 2 weeks old today! She's doing well. She's still is trying to get the sleep thing right but in her defense hiccups plaque her at the most in opportune time. Just when she's about to fall asleep they start in and she can't get comfortable enough to relax and sleep. I feel so bad and she gets so frustrated. The doctor says its reflux, so, yay. =\ She put Esther on some medicine to help her with this along with blocked tear ducts. 

Significant Dates: 

07-30-13: first bath

08-03-12: belly button fell off 

Doctors Appointment: 

8 lbs 5 oz (58%)

21 3/4 inches (99%)

Head: 35.5 cm (63%) 

Doc says she's doing great lifting her head and overall healthy!   

Thank you God for all the sweet memories now and to come. 

"When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world." ~ John 16:21

1 Week

"The moment a child is born, a mother is also born... And neither life will ever be the same". 

July 22, 2013 (yes, the same day as the royal prince) my sweet Esther Danielle was born into this world 8 pounds, 5.2 ounces and 20 inches long.  Total of 15 hours of labor- 30 minutes pushing, VBAC successful! 

She's already brought so much love into our family. Her big sister is smitten with her. She always wants to hold and love on her. 




Esther is doing well eating - she's kinda a little piggie! She eats, sleeps and poops! Perfect for a baby's life. 

Thank you God for safely bringing Esther into our lives and growing our happy family. Continue to give me and Dad the wisdom to know how to care for her needs and how to make our family come and grow together in unity and love.

 

38 Weeks

Ok, I'm ready to get this party started. At 38 weeks its just so close and I'm as ready as I can be and at this point there's no way I can grow any more! She is so low right now too I feel there's only one way for her to get lower ;) . But, because she IS so low the nerve pain in my leg is intense. Sitting on my booty helps some in that it keeps the pressure off. But if she's having a day of wiggles (which is often) there's nothing that keeps the nerves off limit. I can tell she's just trying to get comfortable most days. There just doesn't seem to be any more room in there!


Doctors Appointment: doc says I'm about 2 cm today so it's getting close! 

Nesting: I believe most cabinets, closets and rooms are organized, rearranged and ready to go... for awhile. ;) 

36 Weeks

"I will greatly rejoice in The Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness" Isaiah 61:10

Lots of discomfort to say the least. She is carrying so low she's hitting some major nerves in my leg. Because of this my leg gives out, randomly, and I have frequently been falling. Its been so painful (shooting, stabbing pain). No good. Soooooo, the doc has put me on "bed rest" for lack of a better term.  This is basically telling me to sit on my butt as much as possible and the less walking the better. 

Sigh, with this being said I'm definitely ready to meet her - to say the least. I'm ready for the heartburn to cease and the waddle to return to normal. Lol 

Nursery Update: we are 90% finished. The rest is mostly the wall decorating which we'll likely finish with frames filled with her! So, at this point we are done! Yikes! It's so close. Sitting in her rocking chair makes me want to hold her in my arms NOW!  Have I mentioned I've lost all patience? ;) 

Name: I know many have been wondering if we've picked a name. We haven't officially and are still planning on waiting until we meet her to decide. 


Baby girl is growing stronger. She's about 6 pounds and her muscles are increasing in strength. I can feel this strength all day long with her movements and jabbings. So thankful for her growth. 

Lord,
Thank you for the miracle growing inside me. Even though the discomfort and pain are present I still rejoice in the blessing you've given to me. 
I pray for her continued muscle development. I pray she grows strong physically and spiritually in You. Allow her to grow strong in self-discipline and self-control.

34 Weeks

Nesting has begun! 
Last week I cleaned out both refrigerators, both medicine cabinets, the pantry and in general just trying to keep everything clean at home.

Nursery Update:
We have painted walls and furniture!!!! And I love it! Thanks to the best hubby and amazing brother in law for making what's in my head come to life! 

At approximately 5 pounds, 20 inches she is continuing to grow and my belly is proof. Many times through out the day I find her trying to get comfy inside while I get to see her on the outside roll and bump around. It's the craziest thing to watch! 

Jesus,
Thank you for the gift of life growing inside me. For the crazy emotional roller coaster I am on and for a wonderful husband to ride the ride with me. 
As this baby continues to mature I ask You to grow her mind. Allow her memory to grow strong blessing her with infinite wonderful memories and to move on from any sad, bitter or uncomfortable ones. Allow her to always remember to praise her Creator. 

"Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men. " Luke 2:52

32 Weeks

Symptoms:
Memory issues: I feel like I'm losing my mind! I can't remember even simple things. "Why did I open the fridge door?" I'm blaming it on symptom number two....

Fatigue: isn't this the time for the energy to kick in, allowing for me to nest appropriately? I'm pretty sure I could sleep all day.....this I blame in symptom number three.....

Restless nights: she is moving so much, and mostly at night. I'm so happy she is so active, but I just wish she didn't want to practice her ninja moves at night. 

Heartburn: this sugar and spice better come out with a head of hair with as bad as this burns. ;) Zantac is my friend. 

Charley Horses: and I mean all over my legs! I've never had a cramp on the side of my calf or at the back of my thigh! Ouch!!!!! 

Crazy dreams: I really hope none of these come true because some are nightmares! 

Nasal Drip: gross. 


Nursery Update: 

Painting has started. The end. 

Baby girl is approx. 4 pounds! That's it! It sure feels a ton more. Although they say her movements may decrease due to more frequent "sleep" cycles she is moving around a LOT! I like feeling her getting herself comfortable in there. At the last ultrasound she's still in the same position she's been in which is great because she's all ready to come on out. ;) -- just not yet. 

Sweet Baby,

Two more weeks closer until I get to hold you in my arms. As I read Job 37:14, I get more and more excited about what God is going to bring to our family through you. Until that day our anticipation rises! 

"Stand still and consider the wondrous works of God." 

Job 37:14 

30 Weeks

OMGosh! I can NOT even believe I have ten weeks left, if that! Symptoms: Continued heartburn Sinus issues: runny nose and gross nasal drip Frequent potty breaks Super itchy skin Oger feet - super swelling Nursery Update: The furniture has been chosen and arrived safely. This includes the rocker. I'm so excited to hold her in my arms and rock her to sleep in it! This is about it though. It's been kinda slow getting it done. I've been feeling super sluggish. Although they say she hasn't grown too much since the last two weeks I feel she has. I feel like I'm popping out a lot more. But, her brain is growing more! It's preparing to retain all kinds of new information when she arrives. She is also losing her fur coat which means her body is starting to regulate it's temperature. Sounds like she's almost ready to arrive! Little one, I'm beyond anticipation for you. Although there is much to do before your arrival my heart is already prepared to love you and nurture you into the baby, little girl, woman you will be born for! But hang in there a bit longer. Until the perfect timing of your arrival...... Mom. It is well with my soul.

28 Weeks

And we've made it to the third trimester! Phew! She's getting heavier and heavier. At times feeling like she's trying to scrap herself out through my belly button. Yeouch! She's very active. Moving whenever she feels the urge to "get more comfortable". Usually when I have a full bladder, just ate, or decide to sit. I guess I invade her space. Symptoms: Headaches continue. No migraines though - knock on wood. Nausea: AGAIN! What in the world. Mornings are worst but I've been feeling pretty sick to my stomach all day. Dizziness: I've been really light headed, especially after sitting and mostly in the mornings. The waddle: if only this was as fun as The Wiggle. ;) it's happened. I'll catch myself mid walk acting like a duck. Eek. I can still see my toes though!!!! Painting them is a challenge now though. Heartburn: I think I could be a fire breathing dragon. Baby Update: She's about 2.5 pounds and 16 inches long. She is at the point now that if born, she'd be able to breathe well enough. I'd like her to stay cooking for a while longer but it does take some worry away. She is also able to dream now!! Which is something I'm doing more of lately as well. Weird, crazy dreams. Anyone else dream crazy things when pregnant? I'm feeling so incredibly blessed to soon be holding her in my arms. Jesus, continue to keep her safe and healthy. Give her sweet dreams in there.

26 weeks

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The belly has officially entered the furniture genre as a table.

I'm still waiting for the burst of energy to kick in and the nausea to move on (sigh).

Irrational fears. Does anyone else get this? I feel like I'm five and afraid of the dark or a monster under my bed. Except its not the dark or monsters. It's really random things like getting into car accidents or someone breaking into our house, especially when Douglas is at work. Is this strange? God is our protector!

I'm continuing to do the prenatal yoga. It's not my favorite way to exercise but I do like that its at least something I can do and I feel great afterwards.

Nursery Update: We have very little done with the nursery. We've got some stuff cleared out but really need to figure out furniture, etc. I have lots of ideas floating around in my head but accomplishing them is a challenge (see above for energy level).

Baby Girl is growing! She's 2 pounds now yet feels like 50! It's so strange to think that someone not even the weight of one of my hand held weights can feel SO heavy. Her eyesight is clearing (the retina is focusing). She is moving around a lot, mostly at night when I'm trying to be still in bed. Dad is getting to feel her strength and movements pretty often now.

Jesus, As our baby girl is developing her eyesight, I pray she will have clear vision not only of the objects around her but for You and Your calling for her. Help her to keep her eyes always focused on you so others may know and love You. Thank you God for this child growing in me and in our hearts. <3

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24 weeks

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Symptoms:

Emotional mess. Anything and everything makes me go crazy.

Headaches: paralyzing.

This week I can really feel her presence. She's been kicking and rolling around in there, I'm hoping, happy as a clam. She's also gotten heavy all of a sudden and the belly has definitely gotten larger (probably other body parts of mine as well). There is no doubt there's a baby inside. She is around a pound and a half and 8 1/2 inches long (imagine an eggplant). She is still translucent which means her body fat isn't all there, basically see through. I love that she can hear sounds in there, including my breathing. But especially like she is starting to recognize mine and Dad's voice (sister's too I'm sure).

Thank you Jesus for allowing me to experience this amazing miracle. Help our little eggplant to continue to grow.

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Eve turns two

When I think about you I think "what a wonderful world".
I think it's funny that whenever she sees two of something she automatically labels one mommy and the other daddy.
She loves going to school. She is becoming quite the expert talker. She's a lover of any animal and baby dolls. She's learning to use her manners quite well. Her favorite character is Minnie Mouse. Her favorite foods are daddy's grilled chicken, macaroni, bunny crackers and milk. She is 35 inches tall!

My little love,
Words can not even begin to express my feelings over these last two years. Getting the privilege to watch you grow has been the highlight of mine and Daddy's lives. You are becoming such an exceptional person. Watching you learn and experience the world around you each day is a thrill. I love the excitement you have when you see something new. I love the pride in your face when you do something new. I feel that pride for you too! You are so smart. You are so beautiful. You are so special. Your name is never far from my lips in conversations and in prayers. I pray for your continued health, strong growth, strong spirit and closeness to God. Tears stream down my face as I think about how fast, too fast, these two years have gone. So many amazing memories. So many moments I want to relive because they were too brief. I feel so honored to have experienced them with you, little love. I can not wait for more of them in your many years to come. All my love, Mom

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